PageS of A diiaRy…

ytdd ii hadd a dreamm. longg tymm nnv dreaam oof anyyth lle… d dreamm ii dreammt of ytfd, i dunno whether ii shudd b hapii or sadd datt i dreamtt boutt iit. i dreammt of hiim. i dreamt dat dream partlyy cox i watched ytdd niite’s epiisode of ‘ Pwiincez Hrs’. i havenn fergott hiim i guessedd. all tiis whille, all tiis mths. i triied puttiin hiim bhiind me. buryiin d memoriies. buttt sumhoww dey crept bac in2 my minnd wifout me noticiin. maeb i dun wan 2 notiice iit.. iit has been hardd, so toughh sumtyms i jux break downn. unable tuu holdd outt. ii cantt b bravee 24/7. iim still a human wiif feeliins. n rather emo. memoriies cant b erased easilyy lyk lite penciil markiinggqqs. wounds wich r not physical heals a least biit easy. dis type of wounds r hard tuu heal n evenn 4gett how eiiu gortt iit.. tym iis saiid tuu b d ‘plaster’ fer tiis typpe off wounnds. buut diff ppl/situationns nidds diff types of ‘ plaster’. lyk physical wounds. sum wounds niid jux plasters, sum niid stitchiin n summ jux heall byy iitselff. e willinez tuu heal affects as well. manyy obsticles seemed tuu b standiin inn myy pathh tuu heallin. however d caze, complet healiin is totalli out off myy reachh. i oncedd sacriificedd muchh. ii gavve muchh.. my hartt n soull wholelli. but wad ii gortt iin returnn iin d endd wer m-ti promises n fake lurb. he did not feel fer mii at ALL lyk he claiimed hee did. itt was a schemee wiif hidden motiives. dArK motiives.. i tot i lost hiim, buut i realised sumthh worstt.. i nv ever hadd hiim iin d 1st placee. i as foolishh n naiivee. iif i cud ever turnn backk tymm, i wudd moz lyklii remaiin my foolish n naiive sellf. lettiin myself b hurtt agaiin. how tuupid riites? lurbb iish bliind n unxplainable as well as undfinable. one can reallii do anithh iin d namme of lurbb. i wunn sae iim speakiin fer all. at least tats d casee ferr mii. d emptinez n hollownez in my hartt,, wad/ hu cann fiill iit? howw ii wonnderr. iif onlyy iit was lykk a toothh dcayy, a filliin or xtraction will do d jobb. lifee iis iindeedd a bedd of roses tuu mii.. iit looks so0o wonderrfull n lovelli. wad ii dun c r d menancinly sharp thorns of d roses.. dose thorns sproutt outt frmm d stemms, hidiin beneath e huge pweetii petalls..

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ii dun gett iit.. euu corll herr dardar liiaox stiil can cum ask mii ferr anss. anotherr tymerr i gueez. tiink noun frenx oso cant b liiaox. den euu stilll askk y euu all wunn c miie lle. isnnt iit obviouss? ii dunn tiink i goinn batokk aniimor liiaox lle. welll every1 hu stiill cares boutt mii deree mustt takkaiires worx. demi,ryan,riika,wantiing,yongfaa. gonna miish euu guyss. gonna TrY n concentrate onn mii cumiin olvl. haix. abit scared siiax. niid tuu chiiong lyk siaox liaox. arbbo surre sii liaaox. so sianx. jux wokee upp not longg agoo. ytd slp tuu latee le. 3am+ den slpp. tok tuu much on fonee tats y. haas. >< ohhh noo lata gort tuitionn. sux. bloody helll. hate itt nahx. haix. haix. end here le bahs. dunnoo wadda wriite lle woorx. hees.

euu left mee. cool down? dun wan hav stead le? 4eva dun wan mahx? budden i tink wan le oso dun wan miie le bahx? haix. not suitable? den still wan care me? i dun understand.. hais. my world has fallen apart. pls cum bac n bring it 2gether again.. i will b waitin. no matter how longg. i hav owaes been determined.. i wan do wad means will do. nth can stop miee. euu still care miie de rites? haix. i cant manage tings wifout euu. lifes lyk so empty. dark. weird. i feel as dough earth has stop sppinnin. time has stop fer miie. but my feellins kip flowin. rmb wad euu wrote in my ‘wiishlist’ mahx? fereva fer miie d ting is wad? evyth stuck in my head. i v lost liaox…

hmmm. prelims period worx. i lyk nv stary hard. diee. sure cant get in fer 1st 3 mths. sianx. aft olvl still nid go werk. i dun wan den my laoma sae muz. so sianx lahx. budden gort money. so still orite bahx. ehh. parents sure ask fer sum d lahx. haix. darn sianx. i ask aft olvl can owaes go out mahx. den my laoma sae cant lehx. den i study so hard now fer wad. aft oso cant njoy d. everytym sae suffer bit now aft olvl can plae. bluff miee de lorx. haixXx. life’s sad. haas. hmmm. wads dere tuu add? ohh yars. sum1 kope my tings lo. my small tigger n a drawin. gort thief nehx. police wher? i wan report. haas. im full of crap siax. guez im boredd bahx. hmmm. saw hiim on fri onli. now missh hiim lots le. fri dint even get tuu sae bye he nid go liaox. haix. sadded can? aLL my own fot lo. run awae. ask mi go bak i dun wan. den onli saw his bac view while he left wif jefri. den wen goin bak le i actualli wan sms him ask him turn bhind. budden din cox scare will miisssh him so much mo. den jux luk at his bacview till he,s out of my sight. kip draw draw. machiam kisiao liddat nahx. haas. nxt wk so mani papers. can die lahx. den nxtnxt wk is laz wk of prelims le. lyk so faz yet so long. aft prelims i wan go out. i dun care. den aft awhile hafta chiong olvl liaox. haixhaix. preparation werk sux can? onli can bluff myself dat i now werk hard aft tat maeb can njoy lo. haix. future is wad? slog so hard fer wad future. a future dat no1 noes. a future dat i cant c. nxt even earn alot so wad? cant njoy wad one njoys noun. nxt tym still can do all d tings dat i njoy doin noun mahx? wad will life b lyk? i dun lyk tinkin far. its scary at tyms lo. haix. hmmm. tink bout sth else bahx..waas. gonna b dinner tym soon le. tml got chi paper1 n 2. haven go memo all dose format n stuffs. all my notes dunno go wher liaox. diieee. exams r drivin me nuts. nv stardy ALOT budden still will hav strez norx. haix. wiish he,s here wif mee noun. i wiish noun can go seaside. den i can SCREAM my lungs out. relieve strez mahx.. haas.d feelin real nice aft screamin. esp wen euu unharpii or strez. hmmm. nid get of comp liaox. arbo lata my laoma cum sing song tuu mee sehx. haas. *blastiin offf…

tuudae iish sundae. tuition at 7.3opm.idun wann tuition nahx. so sianx de. den i dun lyk my tuition tcher v much. haix. yy mux hav olvl nehx? tiis yr b sec 3 beta. so sianx de sec 4.

sec4 life damn sianx lorx. haix. den summo gonna graduate le worx. miie confirm gonna miish sku de lahx. 4yrs in tiis sku mii grow attached tuu it

over d yrs le lorx. haixhaix. tiis yr nogudnogud de. hmmm. but den aft olvl means plaetym. hope we last long. if b4 O break i sure diie le. no nid go fer exams le..

cox sure fail. pray pray worx. kekex. nxt wk tues n wed gort exams worx. damn sianx. wed d ss i haven prepare yet. tink will fail again bahx. i 4eva fail it de

lorx. tuupidd subj nahx. bleahx. tues eng. nvm cox no nid prepare de. noe means noe, dunno means dunno. haas. thurs nid walk fer 5km at sku der. waste mii tym.

d fahdilah fot. sae aces dae mux exercise. crapp lahx. i dunnid tat type of exercise..i nidd gain wt. tuupidd. haas. hmmm. performance sure gort mc nash.

d mike system in sku sux de lahx. den tis yr upper sec lower sex split up do d walk n watch performance. lame can? faster finish den i can goo out! fri holi.

yipeeeeeee. kekex. niid go eat dinner le. lata gort tuition … sianx. ):

hmmm. tuudae iis sat. aft tuition a few hrs. kinda boredd. so cum here. nth better 2 do. ytd nyt i reached hm at 11pm. parents lites out le worx. i tot wad.

den i had my dinner + lunch. was abit hungry den. din hav much appeptite dough. i ate nvtheles. but nv eat everyth. threw sum food awae. den 12am le.

den i wash upp n prepare tuu go tuu bed. actualli wanna do tuition hwk de. budden tiredd. so i took d hwk in2 d xtra rm n left it on d bed. mum was slpin in my rm so i slp in d xtra rm. lyk so sad. no bolster no blanket. summo nid slp wif xtra pillows. my pillow,bolster n blanket in my rm. den bo bian lorx.

while lyin on d bed smsiin him , i fell aslp. he replied i oso dunno sia. wasnt even awoken by d vibration. guez i was tuu tired oredi. den aft sum tym, bout 1/2 hr,

i woke upp. swop sim cards btwiin my hp n my mum’s. was usin her hp n my sim card as my hp batt flat. den charger in my rm. aft dat i put bac my mum’s hp in

her bag. den i returned tuu bed aft shiftin d tuition hwks on2 d floor tuu. in d mrnin. my dad gg tuu wk. came in2 d rm n took his stuffs. he oso cover me wif

an xtra blanket taken frm his cupboard. i as awoke. but lyk half aslp n half awake. den he wen 2 wk. i fell aslp shortly aft tuu. aft a couple of secs i guez.

den mrnin my mom woke mi up. i cun get up. until aft sum tym. v tiredd lorx. bac kinda ache. maeb cox nt used 2 slpin on my old bed. haas. den i wen 2 my

rm n charge my hp. den realised gg 12pm liaox. din realised i slpt so long. budden still tired nahx. din hab breakfast cox late le mahx. den 1+ den eat lunch. den aft

tat gort tuition. den now sittin in front of comp typin. hahax. lame. was glad bout ytd. bot new bag. went mit him. till late late worx. i go mac hands owaes

will koh koh. dunno y. not healthy bahx. mama sae d. hmmm. den aft sum tym shift outside. dat tym aft 6pm le worx. den i nth 2 do. go fold harts wif straws.

saw jayme[dunno how 2 spell,3n de] n shi hui. tink dey stead bahx. dunno. oso saw irene[3t1 d i tink] werkin at mac. den sum childish ppl plae wif balloons.

gort liteblue d, white d n lite pink d. den aft awhile shift again. tuu d smokin nt prohibited seat. den aft sum tym. he corled my num[noein dat my hp flat], sae

listen tuu new singer sing. den i noe liaox. den 1st lyric cum out. i stood up n fled. den wen tuu d railin bside d atm n sat der. i turned n saw him approachin.

so i turned awae. tinkin he saw mi. but he din. so aft sum tym i dunno wad tuu do.i went 2 d traffic lite den sat at d hump wait fer green man. den X d road n

walked along d road a-X mac. den i heard footsteps aft sum tym. new it was him. but i continued walkin. i walked der so dat he will c mi. den he cot hold of

me. den i tink he asked me izit i angry. den i sae no. den he ask me izzit i cry cox eye red. den i sae no. i rubbed my eye. tats all. realli. den dunno is i hug

hug him or he hug mi. den aft dat stood in d middle of d pathwae vvvvvvv long. blk ppl wae. but dun cr. den tok abit. stay der vvvv long worx.[dun try bite

me] frm stand bcum squat. den aft awhile my legs numb lorx. cant stand nehx. lolx. den he oso squat bside me. aft sunno how long den X d road. n is i pull his

hand n X d road de. den he sae i v reckless. hahax. den ask me go bac d seat 2 collect stuffs n go hm i dun wan. so he ask mi wait he go tak. so i waited der.

den lily n frenx left n walked pass mi. den dunno sae wad. "ohhhh." den aft dat he walked mi tuu d bus stop n wait fer bus. wait n wait den bus 157 cum. den i

board it n waved gdbye. din wan 2 leave him. budden bo bian arx. nid go hm. haas. i relly lurve him. mae nth bring us apart. mishin him now. hmmmmm.

nxt wk tues is national dae worx. 10am+ end sku. pri sku d claz got gatherin. dunno wan go mahx. summo not confirmed d tym. watch movie. i no $$ nahx.

unlez sum kind soul treat me. haas. den wed n thurs holidae. yay! but oso nid study. fri gort chem test. den dunno wen got phy test oso. hais. o lvl sux lorx!

hmmm. nid go shower n eat dinner le worx. end here…

xiianwenn(:

im confuseddd. iim trustiin hiim. hope e dun btray it. n dun lie tuu miie. kinda sad now. dunno wads goin on. hope my world dun crumple n fall apart. will cry de… haiix. khairul euu watch wad euu sae. or b soory. im not kiddin!! grrrr.

wahx. darn long bo update blog le. tanks tuu miie tuupid comp. so sianx. p.o.p last fri. nxt mth den farewell party. sec 1s drills lyk cmi worx. haix. last fri sec 1s sure cursin mii lyk hell. wahaas. last fri summo alot sec 1s pon. half squad missin. MIA. hmmm. sianx. nxt mth chi o lvl results cumin out. plus gort eng oral cumin. die le lahx. chi o cmi oso. haix. wan get a1 lehx. unachievable le lahx. darn sianx. 2tymers strictly prohibited worx!!!! startin tuu suspect sumth fishy. haix. dunno lahx. fan si le! hope not kena cheat on again. life sux can?! pls cum clear wif miiieeeee!!! arhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Hmmm. 2dae iish first dae off ISPL consultation wkk. whole dae tryin 2 catch upp wif all da wk. i do half[overall]. gort 8 sets. e1,e2,e3 gort 9 sets. alot rites? siaox lorx. hahax. hmmm. emaths n chem is sorta revision. not much of a prob. but chem i laz tym nv pay attension. now lyk run in2 probs le. haiix. more praact i suppose. but v short tym 2 do so!! haiix. hmmmm. 2dae aft sch went wm wif bush 2 buy prepaiid fer lucii[hahax]. den went hm by mrt. den at bl int saw da guy i uz 2 c omoz evy mrniin. hes quite kewt[kekex]. wiish 2 b frenx[ JUZ fwens kaes, haven gotten over da paz yet,its relli tough]. but how? Z= hahax. let fate dcide. if our fate X den maeb bahx. hahax. hmmmm. ispl sux[2 miie lahx]. i tink im nt mature enuff to handle chapts on my own. but i noe da sch is jux trainnin us 2 learn on our own. aft sec sch edu alot oso nid 2 learn ourself. esp poly[i tink]. nid allot of self discipline. n i dun hav alot of dAt. hahax. i hav low self control to alot of stuffs. hahax. haix. arggg tml gort eng test. dumb tez. cun find my newspapers lorx. damn. so long ago 1 lorx. haix. tml go c hu gort bahx. *t|rEdd* go orh orh le! *yAwN!!*0*

hmmmm. iits been quiite long since i wriite le. alot things goin on mahx. common tests arx, campcraft comp. at last no traiinins le! yay! hahax. hmmm. tis wed ssgt test worx. fcuk lorx. heck care lahx. get den get lorx dun get dun get lorx. fri gort career guildance fair. sumth liddat. hope it will b interestin. =)) is da media’s cam scary? jux now gort ppl go campus superstar live den take board cover most of da tym. hahax. i not mockin at hueva it is lahx. jux find it kewt. cox if dun wan kena capture in da cam den dun sit 1st row lorx. strugglin wif my compo noun. its kinda pathetic. my storyline gone down da drain. picturin it in my mind was kinda interestin. now write le lyk so darn borin. aiya hu cares lahx. damn da qmc lahx. her teachin style so diff frm mdm fadilah lorx. mdmfadilah better lorx. wah qmc v niao lorx. ppl 1st tym make mistake oso kena punish. where gort ppl perfect de? she so GUD siax. haix miie go write da compo le lahx. i meant continue wif it. b.